Well, I did it again. All last week, I wrestled with my text from Matthew 5 -- a murderer's heart. I preached yesterday about Jesus' application of "You shall not murder." He expanded it to include not casting aspersions on a person's mental capacity ("Raca") or moral character ("you fool"). I confessed that I am guilty of murder in the heart, calling people "jerk." I want to be broken over this!
So, as I was getting ready for work this morning, I was listening to Good Morning America. There was mention of the possibility that one of the al-Qaida leaders, Mohammed al-Zarqawi, may have been killed in a gun battle with US forces. I said, "I hope they got him!" Beverly asked, "Who are you talking about?" I said, "Oh, that jerk al-Qaida leader in Iraq." I never even caught myself.
Very kindly, Beverly said, "I thought you weren't going to say that any more." Busted!
You know what? That makes me mad. Why can't we just choose to change our behavior -- and it be done? I pray every day that the Lord will allow His Holy Spirit to totally possess me. I know we have free will. But I want to have the free will to choose to be God's "robot." I just wish it worked that way.
I'm not giving up! I will continue to put to death the murderer's heart in me.