I preach about such things a lot: Intimacy / relationship with Jesus. But what does that really mean? What does it look like? How does it feel?
I get glimpses of it as I spend time in prayer. Or as I serve others in the name of Jesus.
But I want to WALLOW in it! I want to be immersed in it!
Now, what I'm about to say is going to sound a lot like Paul in Romans 7, but while I want it -- do I really want it? I want it -- but it involves time. I want it -- but it involves discipline. And my time is already allotted to other "stuff." I want it to come easier than it does.
So I often end up settling for being an acquaintance rather than being intimate. And my daily prayers for greater intimacy come across as suggesting that God is more to blame than I am. "Lord, why don't I feel your presence? I want to sense your warmth. Draw me closer." But little is changed in my daily pursuit.
So I am going public, and I invite you to hold me accountable. I want to be more disciplined. I want to spend more time in communion with my Father. To sit quietly over His word. To drink deep. To let Him speak to me.
Because the truth is: He IS with me. It's not that I need to pursue Him -- as if He is running ahead of me. Rather, I need to stop running -- and relax into His embrace.
I feel better already.