Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Improving Marriage

I have heard Beverly speak many times on the greatest concerns of men and women. For men, it is the fear of shame. For women, it is the fear of isolation. Steven Stosny, who has done extensive research in this area, has come up with a list that I found interesting and beneficial: 

25 ways to make a woman anxious

Ignore her
Tell her what to do
Be short with your answers
Tune out her feelings
Stonewall or give her the cold shoulder
Take her for granted
Limit or criticize her spending
Tell her to stop worrying
Tell her she's making too much of it
Tell her to get over it
Tell her she talks too much
Complain about her weight
Criticize her family
Withdraw or shut down
Yell or get angry
Pout or sulk
Threaten to quit your job
Flirt with other women
Don't know her dreams
Tell her she's just like her mother
Complain about her girlfriends
Give her the cold shoulder
Dismiss her ideas
Sound like you're trapped in the marriage
Buy a sports car

25 ways to stimulate shame in a man

Exclude him from important decisions
Correct what he says
Question his judgment
Give unsolicited advice
Dismiss his opinion
Imply inadequacy
Make unrealistic demands of his time and energy
Overreact
Ignore his desires
Focus on what you didn't get, rather than what you got
Withhold praise
Use a harsh tone
Be abrupt - spring things on him
Undermine his wishes
Condescend
Criticize his personality
Disrespect his work
Show little or no interest in his interests
Criticize his family
Interpret, psychoanalyze, or diagnose him
Make comparisons to other men
Focus on your unhappiness
Put friends before him
Value others' needs over his
Rob him of the opportunity to help

2 comments:

randy said...

Maybe I could work on the list one at a time?

Mark and Melissa Taylor said...

That sounds about right - now if I could just stop doing those things!