Lament

Tiger and Phil in the same tournament for two straight weeks. This could be interesting.

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Words from John Mark Hicks' book, Yet Will I Trust Him:

Suffering is an intensely personal experience. Others cannot experience what the sufferer at that moment experiences. They cannot understand. The sufferer sits alone . . . Nevertheless, the questions, doubts, and despair of the single sufferer are the same as those of a million sufferers. We all ask, "Why me?" "Why this?" "Why now?" and "Why doesn't God do something?" We all ask, "Where is God?"

Like C. S. Lewis, after the death of his wife of three years, I was not "in much danger of ceasing to believe in God" as much as "coming to believe such dreadful things about Him."

Could Scripture speak to the aching heart? Could it provide a place for lament? I entered a new world, the world of faithful lament. Faithful lament was a new category for me. How can lament, with its accusations, bewilderment, doubt, tears, and frustrations, express faith? Prior to my own personal suffering, lament was unknown to me. Christianity was a faith of joy, celebration, and hopeful anticipation.

My worldview was dominated by triumphalism. God's army will conquer. We will set the world aright. We will establish the perfect church. My outlook had no room for lament.

But my own suffering forced me to lament because the believer, who continues to believe, can only lament in the midst of suffering. Lament, with all its confusion, desperation, and doubt, expresses the sufferer's faith. Lament does not disown God; it appeals to him . . . to rescue the one who has been faithful to him.

I'm Trying

I'm really wanting to blog more right now, but where thoughts used to come to me regularly -- they're just not there. I mean, what's on my mind this morning is: "OK, I got dressed and made it to the office this morning." Not exactly exciting stuff. So I am kind of trying to force it right now.

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The Mavericks are being thoroughly manhandled by the old men down south of here. Dampier is a sad situation. The guy looks like he ought to be able to have his way on the court. But he is a non-factor. Kidd looks his age right now. And Dirk? I REALLY like him, so don't get me wrong. Probably the best big-man shooter ever. But as I have said before, he is not the kind of guy you can ride to a championship.

Again, I am trying to force it right now. Truth be known, after about 3 minutes of watching, my mind has left the building.

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I can't remember if I have mentioned that Beverly and I are gearing up for a trip to Scotland in three weeks. We will be traveling with some friends of ours from Decatur (also named Ross, but no relation other than in Christ). We will locate my grandfather's childhood home in Inverness, stay on the Isle of Skye, visit castles and walk St. Andrews. We will spend a couple of days in London, as well. Our friends were a married truck-driving team, and they have driven in Scotland before. So we will travel the country by car.

Can't wait!

On the Emmaus Walk

It has been two months ago today that Jenny went to be with Jesus. How can something seem like only yesterday, while at the same time being hard to remember life before it?

This week and next week, I am returning to Luke for two final lessons. The account this week is of the disciples on the road to Emmaus. I can honestly say that I can now totally relate to the discouragement they must have felt. They had entered Jerusalem a week before with great hope and anticipation. Much as we entered the hospital hanging on any word of hope. No doubt, that week they experienced ups and downs -- just as we had moments when things looked promising, only to be dashed by setbacks. And finally, like they watched their hopes be snuffed out as Jesus died on the cross -- we experienced the depths of heartache and despair as we watched our baby girl go.

And so their 7-mile walk back to Emmaus must have been torturous. I know. I can remember vividly our walk from the ICU waiting room (our home for 2-1/2 weeks) to the elevators, and leaving the hospital to go to the car. "We had hoped . . ." That was their words as they walked. And it was certainly ours, too.

But Jesus secretly walked with them and listened. And I have no doubt he has done the same with us. And when He revealed Himself to them -- oh, the joy they felt.

I am in that in-between part of the journey. I know He is with me. I know He hears me. But I am anticipating Him revealing Himself to me in all this -- restoring MY hope.

Jenny's Run for Hope

Jenny's Run for Hope on Saturday was incredible! I was pleasantly surprised at the turnout, considering the weather was very questionable. It had rained before the race, but it held off long enough for us to get all the activities in. Then the rain began, and lasted through much of Sunday.

I want to thank all those who put this event together. It was perfect! Jenny would be so pleased. Also, a huge thanks to all the volunteers and the booth sponsors. And of course, to those who participated in the race or walk, or donated to the event. Each of you continue to be God's ministers to our family.

Broken Things

I am reading Terry Rush's book, God Will Make a Way. It has been very helpful to me. I want to share a quote:

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the LORD delivers him out of them all." Psalm 34: 18-19

In Heart Held High, by Martha Snell Nicholson, we read these words:

We are now His broken things. But remember how He has used broken things; the broken pitchers of Gideon's little arm, the broken roof through which the paralyzed man was lowered to be healed, the broken alabaster box which shed its fragrance abroad and the broken body of our Savior"

Another quote, this from Paula D'Archy: "I know this, you can't die from crying . . . or I'd be dead."

And finally, Augustine: "Everywhere a greater joy is preceded by a greater suffering."

10 Years -- Wow!

Saturday our precious Malaya turned 10. That's as in 10 on 10, '10. It was a bitter-sweet day, to say the least. She had a wonderful time -- especially when she found out that she had a brand-new trampoline in her back yard.

But there was a heaviness because of an absence. Malaya was the pride of her momma's heart. I can remember so vividly as we shared in Malaya's birth in Abilene. Our lives (Beverly's and mine) were changed that day as we assumed new roles as grandparents. But the joy on our daughter's face! Oh, to be able to see it again.

Actually, I am betting the bank on the fact that I will.

Family Fun Run/Walk

The following post is borrowed from Jenny's Carepage. We would love to see you all there!

Hello, everyone, and thank you SO MUCH for all your interest in our upcoming 5k race and 1 mile Family Fun Run/Walk. Jenny's Run for Hope IS happening and we are excited to announce it will be Saturday morning, April 17th, at Timber Creek High School in Keller, Texas. The 5k race will start at 9:00 am (checkin begins at 7:30 am) and the Family Fun Run/Walk will start at 9:15 am plus live entertainment, vendor booths and jump houses until 11:00 am. The cost is $25 per runner in the 5k (includes an official Team Biz t-shirt) and $15 per FAMILY for the 1-mile run/walk (includes "Hope" bracelets for up to 6 participants). All contributions are tax deductible and proceeds from the event will benefit the Bizaillion Fund, in honor of our beloved Jenny Biz. Registration opens this weekend and will run through Race Day...simply visit www.jennybizaillion.org. Please join us if you can!

For those of you who are interested in SERVING that day rather than running, we have several needs for volunteers and donors/sponsors as well. This includes helping in the KidStand Fun Zone, parking area, water/food stations, registration tables, etc. Of course, we need a TON of "cheerleaders" as well to make each runner feel special, just as Jenny would have done herself. If you would like to volunteer or sponsor a portion of the event, please email jennysrunforhope@yahoo.com and let us know where/how you'd like to help. If you've ALREADY sent a message to Jessie or the family offering to help, it wouldn't hurt to send us another note because there are so many wonderful people out there and we don't want to miss a single one!

Blessings to everyone. We love you!

Understanding Grief

Last night Beverly and I traveled with two of our shepherds and their wives to North Dallas to hear Alan D. Wolfelt, an expert in the field of grief, on the topic "Understanding Grief: Helping Yourself Heal When Someone Dies." I want to explore his information more. But in this blog I am going to just share some random quotes:

"We do not "overcome" grief; we "surrender."

John Donne: "He who has no time to mourn has no time to heal."

"Pain becomes bearable when we are able to trust it will not last forever; not when we pretend it doesn't exist."

"'Whys?' precede 'Hows?'"

"Someone saying, 'You can't be mad at God' doesn't change you being mad at God. You just can't be mad at God in their presence."

"Funerals are not just celebrations (as is becoming "in" in our culture); they are memorials."

"Before counseling, remind yourself: 1. There is no reward for speed, 2. There is no desired outcome, and 3. Look for the divine moment."

"Death may not be the greatest loss of life. It could be what dies in you while you live."

"You must listen to the music of the past so you can sing in the present and dance into the future."

"When we admit our vulnerability, we include others. If we deny it, we shut them out."

"When you are sorrowful, look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that in which was your delight." Kahlil Gibran

Content in the Mystery

This is traditionally one of my favorite weeks of the year. Masters Week.

I watched parts of Tiger Woods' interview from yesterday. Either he is an excellent actor, or he has truly been humbled. I was encouraged by what I saw. I don't think he has much chance to win this week, however. Even he will be overwhelmed by making this his 1st tournament in 5 months. But I will be watching.

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"Sometimes I think the Church would be better off if we would call a moratorium on activity for about six weeks and just wait on God to see what He is waiting to do for us. That's what they did before Pentecost." A. W. Tozer, The Counselor, 95.

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Right now I am living with a quote that my minister friend John Scott gave me. I may have shared it before, but I am finding it helpful as I search for sense in all of this. "Learn to be content in the mystery." That is going to become my motto.