Hang in There with Me

I want you to know that I have not quit blogging. I am just going through a season in which the idea well is kind of dry. I feel like constantly talking about my grief journey probably gets old to many readers -- but that IS where I am. Sports (other than golf) bore me right now. And I know that I am pretty much alone on the golf thing.

Speaking of golf, the Masters is right around the corner. Week after next. I think at the top of my bucket list would probably be to make a trip to the Masters some day. Hotter ticket than the Super Bowl or the Final 4, though.

And as much as public sentiment has turned against Tiger Woods, I would like to see him recover and regain his form again. Tournaments are just more exciting when he is in the thick of things.

Hmmm. I think I am feeling a 4-day virus coming on around April 7th.

Home from Memphis

Beverly, Malaya and I spent most of last week in Memphis with my son and his family. It was great to have that much time together. I haven't laughed that much in a long time. We also enjoyed great food together (some fixed by my daughter-in-law and some eaten out).

Last Monday, Malaya, Josh and I went to the National Civil Rights Museum. It is within the motel where Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. I have been there once before, and it is a convicting experience. I lived through much of the civil rights movement, and can vividly remember much of what was on display. I am struck by how easily we humans can fall into behaviors that are so ungodly -- and convince ourselves that they ARE godly. How the "Bible belt" South could have ever been so supportive of segregation still boggles me. But I can remember as a child not really thinking twice about it because it WAS the culture. I have come to see how Nazi Germany could have been so brainwashed by Hitler, because I have seen something nearly as inhuman and evil played out in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s, as well as throughout our country.

On Wednesday, I was invited to speak to a class at my son's church. They offer a class at 1 PM on Wednesday for those who don't want to be driving after dark in the evening. I enjoyed my time with those folks.

While we were doing that, Beverly and the rest of the crew went to the Memphis zoo. I wish I had been able to go with them, because this is a GREAT zoo! I have been to some of the best (including the San Diego and Fort Worth zoos, which are very nice), but this one holds its own.

Josh and I played golf on Thursday at Mirimichi, a golf course owned by Justin Timberlake. It is the 1st eco-friendly golf course in the US. I had played there once before, and really both of my visits there.

As always, though, it is good to be back home. Being a routine-type person, I always enjoy getting back into my "rhythm."

More Tragedy of the Fall

For the first time in a couple of weeks, I turned on the news this morning and didn't see or hear Charlie Sheen. It took an 8.9 earthquake, the 5th largest ever recorded, to shake him from the media's infatuation.

What a tragedy! And it continues to play out before our eyes. The resulting tsunami is expected to sweep across the Pacific in the next few hours -- striking our own U.S. west coast and Hawaii. I pray that God will protect those in its path.

This is yet another reminder of the consequences of living in a fallen world. And yet another reminder of how I long for the coming day when all is made right again. Come, Lord Jesus!

Sickness in Two Kingdoms

What's up with the Charlie Sheen obsession? This guy has obvious mental issues and is in desperate need of help, and the media have made him like an animal in the zoo that we gawk at and listen to every noise he makes -- laughing and being amused. Something is wrong with this. It speaks to the depravity of humanity.

I wish I could say that the Christian community is above such behavior. However, in the last couple of weeks, we have seen ugliness there as well. Rob Bell has written a book that has yet to be released. A couple of promotional blurbs is all that has been made available to the public. Yet, there are prominent Christian leaders who have already labeled Bell a "universalist."

The few people who have received advanced copies of the book, including someone from Christianity Today magazine, have said that they do not see how the accusation that Bell is a universalist can be reached from what he has written. How can you go public with an accusation of a fellow believer when you haven't even yet read what he said?

It appears to me that the accusers tend to be strong Calvinists. Perhaps they are attacking Bell because he doesn't fit their mold. I don't know for sure if that is the reason why, but it is ugly. It surely doesn't seem to be Christlike. But I have seen a lot of ugliness through the years that is masqueraded as "defending the faith."

All of this makes my heart ache for the day when God again makes everything right.

The Fellowship of Suffering

Today is Beverly's birthday. I love her birthday, because from now until October she can't say that I am older than she is. On this day a few years ago (I can't say her age, because I didn't ask for permission), God blessed the world with the birth of this little girl who has become a giant of the faith. What an honor that God allows me to journey beside her through life. What a blessing!

So happy birthday, my love!

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Saturday morning, Wise County Christian Counseling (Beverly's agency) hosted a Grief Seminar in the family room at the Decatur Church of Christ. Danny Mack, a friend who specializes in grief counseling, was the speaker. No one knew what to expect. Beverly had done a little advertising. She and Danny figured 20 people would be a good turn-out. Around 54 had rsvp'd by Friday.

On Saturday, over 70 people filled the room! We had people from Oklahoma -- and as far away as Tyler come.

More than anything, what this showed me is that there is a tremendous need to reach people who are grieving. Our culture does not do grieving well -- in large part because people don't allow others to grieve. As Danny pointed out, someone loses a spouse, child, etc. -- and they are given 3 days off to mourn. Three days?

Now, I understand the economics of this, and don't have any real answers for employers. But what do you think the productivity level of that grieving employee is? And according to statistics, such a person will miss 50 days of work over the next year (if I remember Danny's info right).

My point is that in our fast-paced culture, there is no time for grief. And so, rather than healthily dealing with it, we stuff it, mask it, put ourselves together with tape and glue -- and try to function. For the most part, we simply go through the motions. This cannot possibly be healthy.

I think that God is leading Beverly and me to a ministry that we never would have chosen. I have no doubt that for the rest of our lives, we will be reaching out to grieving people and journeying with them. We are still in the midst of our own journey. So this is where children of God link arms and travel together -- holding each other up. "The fellowship of suffering."

Go, Malaya!

Last night was Malaya's last basketball game for a while. They were playing the best team in the league. It was a close game, and our team was showing more grit than I had seen in previous games. Malaya got the ball down low and had a girl towering over her between her and the basket. She started a move up as if she was going to shoot, and came back down. She has not normally been very aggressive in her play. Then suddenly, she just took it up and over the girl guarding her -- and made it!

Tears came to my eyes as I watched her run down the court, with people in the stands cheering her name. She had the biggest "I want to smile, but don't want to act like it was a big deal" look on her face. I wish I had a picture of her pure joy.

By the way, we won!

I wish I knew what things are like on the other side of the thin veil. I would love to think that Jenny was watching. I can just see her cheering this daughter she loved so incredibly. And I can still hear her voice.

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Now to what is really important. Crisis in the Middle East. Economy still struggling. Budget deficits. And all the news wants to cover, it seems, is Charlie Sheen. Why, please tell me, is this so newsworthy? Why not cover the stories of people whose lives were messed up, but who have found redemption and hope and turned them around?

I'll never get it.

A Letter to Our "Church"

My precious wife wrote a beautiful letter that she had one of our shepherds read yesterday morning in our assembly. This letter represents how we feel about our extended "church" as well. So I wanted to share our thanks with so many of you:

Dear Church Family,

In February 2010, our family was dealt a blow that we never saw coming! We were devastated and absolutely broken. You were so faithful in standing with us in prayer over Jenny for healing and deliverance. You met every need we had before we even knew we needed it. Thank you.

On February 22 of last year, the darkness engulfed us as we said good-bye to our precious daughter and knew that part of us was dying as well.

While these events shocked us beyond what our minds could fathom or imagine, the Lord, in all His tenderness, had prepared us for it. He knew from the time He knit us together in our mothers’ wombs that we would bury our first-born. Although we do not believe that God “took” our daughter, we do believe He knew what the evil one would do and, in His lovingkindness, prepared us for it by placing us in this community of faith for ‘such a time as this’.

How we love Him for His provision! How we love you! And thank you for your love and support.

The Lord has used you repeatedly over the last year to pour His love, grace, and mercy into us with rich compassion. We braced for the one-year marker of this tragedy, and the Lord used you to pour into us. Your prayers over us have become treasures to our hearts.

Thank you protecting us and letting us catch our breath a bit. Please continue to pray.

We resolve to never serve another – no matter what! He is the Lord God Almighty. We are begging you to join us in that decision – that together (shoulder-to-shoulder, arm-in-arm) we will walk into the arms of Jesus. We will continue to remind each other that resurrection is real – it is what we live for! May His presence be thick around us as we wait for that day.

We absolutely love you!

Rick and Beverly Ross

“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead…ON HIM WE HAVE SET OUR HOPE THAT HE WILL CONTINUE TO DELIVER US, AS YOU HELP US BY YOUR PRAYERS.”

2 Corinthians 1: 8-11

THE Man of Faith?

This week I am preaching from Romans 4. There Paul, in his desire to convince Jewish Christians that we are saved by grace through faith (trust) and not works, turns to their hero, Abraham. So I have been thinking a lot about Abraham this week. Actually, the last part of chapter 4 (next week's sermon) deals more directly with him.

Why is Abraham considered to be THE example of a man of faith in Scripture? Sure, he leaves his homeland when called by God. But there is good reason to believe that at that point he sees YHWH as simply another of his ancestral gods. And the story of his willingness to sacrifice Isaac in Genesis 22 is a powerful story of faith (trust). I still can't get my head around why God would have made such a seemingly barbaric request of him. Perhaps it represents a clear break from the pagan practices of his past?

But then you have TWO episodes in which, in order to save his own skin, Abraham allows his wife to be used as a concubine. I don't understand such cowardice from THE man of faith.

On another note, I have done extensive studies of David, and I always come away from them wondering, "How could this guy be called 'a man after God's own heart'?" He was brutal. He was a sexual predator at times. And while the psalms certainly reveal a heart that could be SO in tune with God, they also reveal a man who longed for revenge.

Maybe all of this is intended to show us that the focus should not be on these men, with their spiritual titles. When we hold them up to their titles, they leave us disappointed. So it seems to me that we would be better served to be directed to the God of love and mercy and grace, who chose to embrace these sinful men and use them for His purposes.

A Heartfelt Thank-You and A Rant All in One

I want to personally thank so many of you for praying for us this month. While it has been difficult, the peace we have felt is due in large part to so many prayers being offered up for us. Tuesday had its tough moments. Yet perfectly spaced throughout the day were texts from friends reminding us that we were being carried. We went to the cemetery and had an emotional time there. Tuesday evening we went to The Cheesecake Factory because it was Jenny's favorite restaurant.

We are indebted as a family to you.

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OK, time for a Rick Ross "Big Oil" rant. I am NOT a fan of big oil companies. How many wars have we fought to "defend our freedoms" that actually had at their heart protecting the interests of big oil? And yet, I do not know how a corporation could be less patriotic than the Big Oil companies are. Their power is scary. We have enough natural gas reserves in the USA to meet our energy needs for hundreds of years. Why aren't we developing that? Why isn't there a greater push to develop other alternative fuels? Because our politicians hands are dripping with oil. Instead of having their palms "greased," they have been "oiled."

I know of their tactics 1st-hand -- having worked for an oil company for several years. I have seen the way that they create "shortages" -- while full oil tankers sit in a row out in the Gulf looking like a downtown freeway at 5:30 in the afternoon.

So here is Libya, a country that produces about 2% of the world's crude. Saudi Arabia, one of the more stable Arabic nations, has said that they can easily meet any shortfall in Libyan oil production. So why is there a "crisis"? Well, I'll let you guess.

Now get this: While we as a nation are being told that we will need to sacrifice in order to pull out of this recession, and just as recovery was picking up momentum -- who stands to make outlandish profits while perhaps throwing us back into another recession or stagnant growth? Exxon-Mobil. BP. Shell. They are shameless.

We have watched the Middle East, as nation after nation falls into revolt against oppressive and ruthless leaders. Maybe it's time that Americans revolt against the tyranny of Big Oil.

Wowed By My Granddaughter Again

I usually don't post on the weekends, but I didn't want to forget something that happened today:

I went to Malaya's basketball game this morning. After the game, she came home to Decatur with me to spend the rest of the weekend. As we were driving along and talking about different things, I asked her, "What do you miss most about your mommy?"

As soon as I asked it, I wished I hadn't. But she thought for only a moment, and then she said, "It's really hard to say just one thing. It would be like taking a 600 page dictionary and trying to pick only one word that means the most. All of them have so much meaning."

Wow!

Another "Year Ago Today" Memory

One year ago today I stood at my daughter's bedside, holding her hand as she slept. She opened her eyes and attempted to speak to me. I am still not sure what she said. I smiled and told her Malaya was doing fine.

She smiled at me, shut her eyes and went back to sleep.

It was the last conversation we had.

"In mourning will I go down to the grave . . ."

My Baby Girl is Dancing on New Legs!

I did not think things could get any worse for us than one year ago today. It was the day Jenny's legs were amputated. We held to the hope at that time that it would save her life. But it was still devastating.

The timing of my sister-in-law's family's daily notes was interesting today. I think this one was written by my oldest niece:

Dancing in the kitchen. On one of the many nights that Jenny babysat us kids, we decided to listen to Mariah Carey's Christmas album . . . it was winter . . . and Mariah, well she can jam and Jenny could sound just like her. Jenny's dancing on the other hand wasn't exactly on Mariah's level! So she decided to grab Tabi's hands (my younger niece) and head bang to "All I Want for Christmas is You!" It was hilarious! I still look back and laugh at those pictures. We had soooo much fun when she babysat!

I wasn't even there with them, but I can so picture that! I hang onto the hope that Jenny is today dancing in heaven with her perfect new body.

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I am currently reading through Genesis in the morning, and today I came across a verse that captures the heart of a parent who has lost a child. When Jacob was told by his sons that Joseph had been killed by a wild animal, Jacob said (Gen. 37: 35) "In mourning will I go down to the grave . . ."

Peace in Chaos

These are difficult times in which we live. Our government is past broke. Inflation seems to be rearing its ugly head. Moslems are keeping the world on edge.

Current problems always appear to be bigger than problems that have been worked through -- or problems that past generations faced. Maybe that is inherent in us to keep us from becoming complacent.

But THIS I do know. After telling His disciples that He is about to leave them, and then promising the indwelling Holy Spirit, Jesus said (John 16: 33, emphasis mine) "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have PEACE. In this world you WILL HAVE trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I am resting in that peace with everything I have.

Precious Memory

My sister-in-law (Beverly's sister) and her family presented Beverly and me with a precious gift a couple of weeks ago. For each day in our February ordeal (Feb.4-22), they gave us sealed notes sharing special memories of Jenny. Each morning I get up with anticipation to read my daily devotional and Bible reading -- and the note of the day.

While each day's has been a treasure,today's was extra-special to me. I want to share it on this blog:

One of my most powerful memories of Jenny is from a high school retreat at Camp Deer Run called "Lay Your Burdens Down" where she was a counselor. The highlight of the retreat was after an exercise of carrying burdens through a field and learning how great it is to truly give them to the Lord. After that, the campers came into the pavilion that we had decorated in white and gold and set up as a banquet. As each one came into the room, the "angels" greeted each one and gave them a white robe and a golden crown. Jenny was an "angel." She was absolutely precious in that role! She looked each one of them in the eye as she crowned them and told them how great heaven is and that she was so glad that they were there! Then, Jenny, Cecil and Mike Montana sang, "How Beautiful" and it was truly life-changing!

I picture my daughter filling that role in heaven right now. In fact, Beverly recently had a dream about a friend who was sick being greeted in heaven by Jenny. Later, she found out that friend had passed away a couple of hours before her dream.

Satan's Cruelty

Satan has a lot of nerve, and a wicked sense of humor. Last year at this time, my daughter lay fighting for her life because of a misdiagnosed case of strep. She had been in the hospital for 5 days at this point.

Today my granddaughter (Jenny's daughter) was taken to the doctor by her daddy. She has strep. Fortunately she is on antiboitics and I am confident will be fine. But how cruel of Satan to continue to mess with us like this. Oh, I long for the day when I will witness him being cast into the pit -- extinguished forever.

2 Corinthians 2: 11 "We are not unaware of his schemes." We are onto you, Satan. In the name of Jesus, we say that you may have won a battle. But you stand defeated. Even the battle you THINK you won has resulted in my daughter being eternally with Jesus. Good try.

I am saddened when Christians lay the blame for consequences of the Fall on God. Death? "Well, it was just God's time." Really? Was death God's will or Satan's? Sickness? Satan. Pain? Satan. Strained relationships? Satan. And all the while, God continues to work toward the renewal of all things -- back to the perfectness of His creation.

My heart aches for that day!

My Only Hope

A year ago today was what our family referred to in following days as "the day from hell." On Monday, February 8th we nearly lost Jenny three times. We mistakenly thought that after she survived that day we were through the worst. Little did we know that it was simply a precursor of what awaited us two weeks later.

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I share this quote from my son Josh's Twitter: "Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree." Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hope: It's what I hold onto.

My Super Bowl Review (As if it matters)

I haven't watched a Super Bowl in a long time it seems, but I watched most of last night's game. It took me back to last year. We were in the ICU waiting room as the TV showed the game. I remember seeing it on, but don't remember anything about the game -- except that the Saints won.

Sounds as if Jerry's Super Bowl wasn't so super. The game was pretty good. But could someone tell me how, with all the planning that goes into this, you could get to gameday only to have the fire marshall declare over 1,000 temporary seats too dangerous to be opened? I can't imagine having traveled from Green Bay, Wisconsin with a ticket that probably cost at least $1,500 dollars only to be told, "Sorry, you don't have a seat." Chalk this one up to the greed of Jerry and the NFL.

Someone in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram the other day referred to Jerry Stadium as "the huge cockroach." I had to laugh, because it immediately struck me that it does look like a cockroach's back. Maybe Jerry can get Raid to sponsor the stadium. Or Orkin. "Orkin Stadium."

I would love for Mr. Jones to take a lesson from perhaps the two best organizations in the NFL. They know how to do it right -- Pittsburgh and Green Bay. Pittsburgh has had 3 coaches in 42 years! Then there is small-market Green Bay that consistently competes at the highest level. And both organizations have ownership that allows the people who know the game to run the team.

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On a related note, I know I'm getting old. So understand that I realize that as I write this. What is it with getting some premadonna to sing the Star-Spangled Banner each year at the Super Bowl? Why not try getting someone who actually just wants to sing the Anthem because they love the USA? Last night was a total butchering by Christina Aguilera of what should be a special moment. And the half-time show featuring Black-Eyed Pea? I don't get it.

Finally, as I continue my old foagie rant, I also really want to get the commercials -- but I don't. Some of them are kind of cute. But the one everyone is raving about is the "Tiny Dancer" commercial. What am I missing?

February 4th, 2010

I awoke this morning to a beautiful snowfall. Looks like we have gotten about 3 inches during the night. Jerry better enjoy this Superbowl, because it will likely be the last in North Texas.
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A year ago today began our nightmare. I keep thinking of "The Wizard of Oz." Although Dorothy's dream was a fairly pleasant one, at the end of the movie she awakes with all her loved ones around. Something in me continues to hope that this is all a dream from which I will soon awaken. After all, a whole season of "Dallas" ended as a dream of Pamela Ewing's.

As I blog about the rawness of grief, I do not mean to suggest at all that this is something unique to the Ross family -- or that ours is worse than anyone elses. I served with an elder in Crockett who about 15 years prior to my meeting him was involved in a car wreck with his entire family (I think he and his wife had 5 children). All but one of the children died in the wreck. In the book A Grace Disguised, the author tells his story of losing his wife, daughter and mother in a car wreck. How does one continue after such a tragedy? If anything, what has happened to us has only served to make me aware of the grief pain of others.

How fast the year has gone. I think that is because grief has a way of making everything melt together. It is hard to distinguish months from each other -- or even weeks and days.

I remember a year ago today Beverly and I met David and Jenny at the hospital emergency room. Jenny was sitting in the bed, and I kissed her. Malaya was there wide-eyed, and so I took her to the hospital cafeteria. She had her school lunch box with her, so I got something to eat and we had lunch together. One of my elders, Mike, showed up about then and sat with us. Little did I know at that time that Malaya would not see her mother again. We had been told by Jenny's PA that she was probably dehydrated and would be home in a few hours. Wow!

Some people have insinuated, and a few have flat-out said they will be glad when we get back to normal. I know they mean well, and I appreciate that they care about us. But what they need to know is that this IS our new normal. Our lives have been forever changed by the events that began a year ago today. In some ways, for the better. I never would have known the depths of a person's grief if I had not experienced it for myself. And my faith has been put to the test, as well. I no longer have to wonder how I would respond if given the choice of recanting Jesus or being executed. And I have learned what trust REALLY means. Oh, that word is so huge to me today. Trust and hope.

I love this line from my wife: "Our family has been called by the Lord to do hard, so we will do hard."

"I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes -- I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!" (Job 19: 25-27)

Pray for Islam

A year ago today Jenny probably went into sepsis. We only know that in retrospect. She was running very high fever, and then it suddenly broke. We thought that was a good thing. As it turned out, that was probably a very bad thing.

Oh, how we miss her.
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Followers of my blog know that for years I have been praying that the Lord would bring Islam down through ways that would not involve war with Christians or other religions. When I was growing up, our prayers were for the downfall of Communism -- and in the late 1980s it suddenly imploded. Many people gave credit to demonstrators, other governments putting pressure on the communist countries, etc. Few stopped to thank God for pulling off what seemed to be impossible.

I want to encourage everyone to be praying that the demonstrations and riots that are taking place in Islamic nations today will have similar results. The situation is volatile in these nations. Some are teetering in going to one extreme or another. Ask God to bring down this religion -- and replace it by lifting up the name of Jesus. It wouldn't hurt to also pray that Jesus followers ACT LIKE Jesus followers through all of this.

May the peace of Christ reign!

It's Cold!

As a follow-up to Monday's blog, get this if you haven't already heard: Jerry has figured out how to get 300 more people into his shrine for the Super Bowl. I am not making this up. He is selling tickets for $250 -- TO STAND IN THE STAIRWELLS!

"There is a sucker born every minute." And there is someone willing to take advantage of the sucker born every minute as well.
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The last two days have been forced "slow-down" time. Iced in and cold. As I write this on Wednesday afternoon, it is all the way up to 12 degrees. I had to get out to go check on my mother-in-law a while ago, and the roads are trecherous. Even so, there are people driving as if it is a balmy day. I saw several people fish-tailing. One person came up on a stop sign like on a normal day -- and slide right through the intersection.

BE CAREFUL!

Another Jerry Rant

P. T. Barnum once said 'There is a sucker born every minute." No doubt, Jerry Jones believes in that same philosophy. He is offering $250 tickets (must be bought in blocks of 4) to be able to be OUTSIDE THE STADIUM and watch the Super Bowl on video. That is outrageous! But guess what? People are scarfing these tickets up.

Having been a Cowboy fan for most of my life, I never cease to be amazed at the blind loyalty of the fans to Jerry's comedy act. By far, now the longest stretch of mediocrity in Cowboy history. And yet most people still view him as a "winner."

Here is another thing that I don't get, and I can't believe that the NFL has agreed to it. They are going to allow the above-mentioned fans who are going to be watching the game on a video screen to be counted as in attendance so that Jerry can claim to have hosted the largest Super Bowl in history. Why not count the people at the surrounding restaurants and bars who are watching the game? Let's just make up definitions for what "attendance" means. If someone drives by our church building on Sunday mornings, can we count them in our attendance figure? Or how about the nursing home residents that our deacons go and hold services with on Sunday morning? Or people who wished they could be there, but are sick at home.

I know, I'm on a rant again. Jerry does this to me a couple of times a year. The Cowboys used to be the class-act of the NFL. How they have fallen! Now, as much as I hate to admit it, the class organization is probably the Pittsburgh Steelers. So the Cowboys get to watch the two organizations that have historically been the biggest thorns in their side duke it out in THEIR backyard. How ironic is that?

Grieving "Lasts"

As we continue in our grief journey, I have had plenty of people warn me about all the "1st." 1st birthday without Jenny. 1st Mother's Day. 1st Father's Day. 1st Christmas. And on and on.

But one thing I was not prepared for is "lasts." Right now, in every direction I turn, I am reminded of "lasts." Last time we went out to eat together was on a Sunday in late January. We met Jenny and David and Malaya at Chili's in Keller. Last time I saw her before she went into the hospital was Saturday, January 22nd at one of Malaya's basketball games. I had just gotten a Blackberry and she was proud that I had entered into the 21st century. Josh tweeted yesterday about the last conversation he had with her was a year ago last Wednesday. And Beverly stayed with her on Thursday night before she got sick on Friday because Beverly had a plane to catch the next morning.

So a year ago tomorrow began our journey. January 29th: The day Jenny got sick with "the flu." As you may know by now, that was a wrong diagnosis. She had strep. She was given a prescription of Tamiflu and we thought everything would be fine. What we did not know was that strep was racing through her body unchecked for 6 days. A simple dose of antibiotic and this precious daughter, wife, mother and friend would still be with us.

Oh God, may we lay it all at your feet. And may we rest in Your peace.

State of the Union

I try not to be very political in my blogs. Part of that is because I have become fairly cynical about politics. Over the last 20 years, I have watched one side be in power -- and then the other. And seemingly nothing gets done. For instance, how long do we have to hear that there is a Social Security crisis -- but never anything done about it?

I liked many things I heard from President Obama last night. I realize that such speeches, like sermons, might move people for a few hours -- and are then forgotten. But I am guardedly hopeful that perhaps both parties are getting the message from the American people: Get some things done in a bipartisan manner -- or we will vote you out.

At the risk of offending some, I do have to wonder about one thing. I am a fiscal conservative. But I don't understand why Republicans are so opposed to investing in alternative fuels. Isn't it obvious that at some point we are going to HAVE to do that? To be proactive about it would create many new jobs, as well as allow us to be less dependent on the very people who would love to see us "submitted" to them (the Middle East). The only reason I can think of as to why there is so much opposition to it is because so many are beholding to the oil lobbyists.

Just my opinion.

Sold-out Discipleship

I find myself longing for intimacy with God more than I ever have in my life. Why does it seem to be so difficult? I know it has a lot to do with previous rut patterns, but I sure wish it was as easy as saying, "Today is going to be different than the last 54 years." After all, choosing poor patterns in the past wasn't all that hard!

I know a sold-out life is a process. I just want to speed the process up!

Why Did We Elect Them?

The political rhetoric in our country is receiving a lot of attention these days. None more than Sarah Palin's "crosshairs" remark. Some in the media have attempted to pin the events in Arizona on her. Yet NOTHING about the insane murderer suggests that he acted for such a reason.

I heard a quote on talk radio from President Obama in which he said something to the effect of "if the Republicans bring knives to the table, we will bring guns." Interesting how this has not received any media attention.

Then yesterday, a Congressman compared those opposed to the Obama healthcare bill to Nazis who were guilty of the holocaust. Really?

I have read enough history to know that the current rhetoric is nothing new. In fact, if you go back to the 1800s, it was much worse. Does it need to stop? Absolutely.

In fact, wouldn't it be refreshing if both sides of the aisle quit with the posturing and name-calling -- and actually constructively dealt with the problems of our nation? What a novel idea.

My New Normal

I haven't blogged in a while. Last week was an interesting one. It began Monday when I went in for some oral surgery. That afternoon I began feeling bad, and when I got home I was running a high fever. So I stayed home sick for a couple of days. Then on Friday I had a medical procedure (test) that required intense preparation on Thursday. So my body was pretty worn out by the end of the week.

I still don't have anything to blog about today. I continue to be overwhelmed by what grieving people deal with. We made it through the holidays in a bitter-sweet way. More good moments than bad. But I have been blindsided by what I am going through now. As we approach a year since Jenny went into the hospital, every day I am reminded of what we were doing at this time last year -- and how healthy she was. Not a clue as to what awaited us in a matter of a few days.

Saturday Beverly and I went to Malaya's first basketball game. The last memory I have of Jenny before she entered the hospital was of her cheering for Malaya last year. I could hear her voice Saturday cheering her daughter on.

I rest in His peace.

2nd Chances

It's a feel-good story that is sweeping the nation. Ted Williams, an ex-drug addict and alcoholic, found himself a homeless beggar. His piece of cardboard acknowledges that he has a God-given gift: his voice. And what a voice it is!

Since being "discovered," Ted has been offered a number of jobs. According to "Good Morning, America" today, he has accepted a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers as an announcer. They will provide him a house, as well as a salary.

In an interview, Williams thanked God for giving him a second chance. I love that!

But then I got to thinking: What would I put on my piece of cardboard in hopes of receiving a 2nd chance? What would you put?

Truth is we don't bring anything that causes God to say that we deserve a 2nd chance. And I am not suggesting that Mr. Williams meant that. We bring a tattered piece of cardboard -- covered with sin. And in return, we are bathed in grace.

I wish Ted Williams the very best! And I hope he continues to walk in grace.

Forgiving as We Have Been Forgiven

I read the following quote yesterday. A theologian by the name of Soong-Chan Rah suggested that "before grace can be extended, forgiveness must be asked." This led to the following online response to Christianity Today magazine: "If Jesus Christ had taken such an approach, we would all be hopeless."

I cannot say that forgiveness comes easily for me. It is truly something that I have to choose to obey. But I have never understood people who want to limit extending forgiveness like the above theologian. It seems SO unChristlike.

Interestingly, yesterday I also began reading Philip Yancey's new book, What Good is God? In it he references a website called ATFP.org (Adopt a terrorist for Prayer). I went to the website, run by a Christian who serves in the U.S. military. I must say, I had to stop and think about this for a while. But I think this guy is right.

Here is an exerpt from the homepage of his site:

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Matthew 5: 44

Why Pray for a Terrorist? Why Pray for a Sponsor of Terrorism?

Where is the Christian response to terrorism? If the struggle against violence done in the name of Islam is primarily spiritual, then defeating it requires a spiritual response.

This site features FBI and State Department identified terrorists and terrorism sponsors. Terrorism inspires fear. According to Jesus, the antidote of fear is love.

When we hate, we are reactive victims. When we love we seize the initiative. Love for country helps soldiers to risk their lives. Love for children enables parents to discipline them without being intimidated. Love for us took Jesus to the cross. Love for enemies will give courage to face, overcome, and transform them and the environment that breeds them.

Historically, Stephen was the first fatality in terrorism directed against Jesus' followers. As Stephen died from stoning, he prayed, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." Later, Paul, who had supervised Stephen's stoning, met Jesus in a vision and repented.

Can we pray like Stephen prayed then? Would Paul have repented if Stephen hadn't prayed?

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If you are interested, I would encourage you to visit the website. Peace.

Blessed New Year

This year "Happy New Year" rings kind of hollow to me. So instead I am wishing people blessings in this new year. And I am discovering in new ways that blessings can come even when we are not in the "happiest" of times.

So to all I wish a blessed New Year! May the peace of God rest on you.

Prince of Peace

On this Christmas Eve, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Remember that "God in flesh" is our hope.

For those of us whose prospects for Christmas are not so "merry", I share what I am anchoring in during this season. Immanuel is also the Prince of Peace. And so I am praying that the reality of His peace will overwhelm, overpower and consume our anxieties and fears. "May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I will be off next week. However, I may decide to blog about something. Who knows? But if not, I pray that the new year will bring rich spiritual blessings to us all!

Different Now

Beverly and I began P90X last night. We chose the "Lean" workout schedule. Our 1st workout is entitled "Core Synergistics." I am convinced that this is taken from Cold War Russian KGB code, meaning "Intense Torture." Oh well, the good news is that it's only another 89 days.

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10 months ago today Beverly and I entered a journey we would never have chosen. In yesterday's Star-Telegram there was a Dear Abby (actually now written by Jeanne Phillips, her daughter) that spoke for both of us. It is fairly long, but a blog is an online diary, and I wanted to have access to this for years to come. So bear with me.

Dear Abby: My beautiful 20-year old daughter was killed in a car accident. I am writing this not only for myself, but for all parents who have lost a child, and to all of the wonderful people who asked, "What can I do for you?"

At the time there wasn't much anyone could do to help, but after two years I have an answer: Accept me for who I am NOW.

When Rachel came into my life, it changed me profoundly. Losing her did the same. Her father and I work hard to honor her memory, but we will never "get over it" to the degree of being who we were before. I am different now. In some ways -- I think -- better. I am kinder, more patient, more appreciative of small things, but I am not as outgoing or as quick to laugh.

I know people mean well when they encourage me to get on with my life, but this IS my life. My priorities have changed. My expectations of what my future will hold have changed. Please extend to me again the offer of "anything I can do" and, please, accept me as I am now.

--Different Now in Riverview, Fla.

"Abby's" reply: Please accept my profound sympathy for the tragic loss of your daughter. I hope that your letter will help anyone who doesn't understand that the death of a child is the most devastating loss parent can suffer. They may get beyond it, but the never get "over" it. To expect that they would is unrealistic, because it's a wound that may become less visible but never goes away.

Weakness

I love this thought from my daily devotional this morning: "Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly."

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So the "Dream Team" of the Miami Heat might go 82-0 this year? That's what one of them said before the season began. While they are playing pretty good now, one thing is certain: When they come to the end of the season, their record against the Mavericks will be 0-2. Way to go, Mavs!

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And what about the ending to the Giants-Eagles game Sunday? Say what you will about Michael Vick, but he is without a doubt the most exciting football player in the league.

Made for Another World

In his book Rumors of Another World, Philip Yancey quotes Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, who said, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."

Yancey then adds, "Even that fails to get it right. Rather, we are incomplete beings awaiting a complete experience, fragmented beings awaiting unity."

I have been thinking about that ever since I read it. It makes me long for the fulfillment of Paul's words from 1 Corinthians 13: "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Taking Back Christmas?

Wow! Did Cliff Lee pull a fast one or what? Going back to Philly. Oh well, at least he didn't sell out to the Yankees.

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Mavs fans will probably hope I don't watch any more Mavs' games. I do a lot of double-tasking when I am watching TV. I watch parts of the Mavs' games at times, but I don't JUST watch. However, last night I was not feeling well, so I watched the whole game. They went up by 20 points, and then decided to take the night off. So much for their win streak. Sorry, Mavs' fans. I'll start watching the Lakers or the Heat.

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I tend to want to get caught up in the politicizing of Christmas along with many others. All of the "this is America, and the season is about Christ." But you know what? We sound like a bunch of spoiled whiners. For Christians, it IS about Christ. But we live in a very secular society.

Besides, I can't picture Jesus, if He were still in the flesh, whining because the world did not recognize His birthday. He would simply continue to live and serve and make a difference. He would not lower Himself to the level of His culture. In fact, He would even turn the other cheek. "Taking back Christmas" sounds threatening, doesn't it? Trying to strong-arm our way seems to be out of character from the One we are wanting to honor.

I Just Want to Be Where You Are

This morning in my daily devotional, I came to a verse in the Gospel of John. Now if there is any book in the Bible that I know, it's the Gospel of John. But as I read the verse, I asked myself, "How have I missed this?" I have read it like I ASSUMED it was being said rather than the way Jesus said it.

Here is the verse, found in John 12: 26: "Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be." Don't miss that! Because here is the way my mind has filtered it for years: "Where my servant is, there I will be."

Now, I believe the way I have "heard" it is true. But that's not what Jesus said here. He said, "Where I am, my servant also will be." I want to be a faithful servant of Jesus. And so, I need to be in tune with my Master enough to know where He is. And wherever He is, that's where I need to be.

So, where is Jesus?

Atheist's Bus Campaign

"Millions of Americans are Good Without God." This is the sign that an atheist group has put on Fort Worth buses during this Christmas season. Now a number of Christian leaders in the area are wanting to mount a counter attack.

What is your reaction to this campaign? I have to admit that my 1st instinct (usually a fleshly instinct) is to join in a battle of words -- if not condemnation. I want to quote Scripture to them: "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'" I feel like I need to defend God. The Christian leaders I cited above are complaining that the ad campaign is "in your face", especially since it falls during the Christmas season. But is it anymore "in your face" than Christian ad campaigns have been? Why is it fair for us and not for them -- especially when we SHOULD be different?

But what is accomplished when we respond to people with the same tactic that they use? What really makes us different from them? And is what they said really so threatening? I'm sure there are many good atheists -- just as there are some really sorry Christians. Are we going to win them over by trying to outreason them?

I would like to simply dialog with them. I would like to ask them what they base their standard of "goodness" on, and how they came by it. But to call them "fools" or to tell them they are going to burn in hell is only going to build higher wall of resistance. After all, we are basing what we say on Scripture -- something they have already rejected.

Here's a novel idea. How about let's shower them with grace? Let's step out of our defensiveness (which is driven by our own insecurities), and let's just love them in the same way that Jesus would.

Let's also remember that we are ALL walking by faith. The atheist is putting his/her faith in human reasoning, and we are putting our faith in the One called Jesus. In the end, if they are right it doesn't matter. I have still lived a life that I would choose over anything the atheist has to offer. But if we are right, the whole equation is changed. And I am putting all of my hope and trust in that.

Mr. Rogers

I just finished reading a book about Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) entitled, "I am So Proud of You." Written by Tim Madigan of the Star-Telegram, it is basically a recounting of their friendship and exchanging of letters through the years.

I came away from the book with an admiration of Mr. Rogers. The target of jokes from media types and the general public for years, this man took it all with an incredibly gracious spirit. He never lost sight of his goal: Letting children know that they are loved.

He was a deeply-spiritual man. His outlook on life inspires me. He was a good friend of Henri Nouwen's (another deeply-spiritual man from whom I have been inspired to dive deeper). His unconditional loving spirit seems almost other-worldly.

My attention has been grabbed in recent times by how much those whom I consider to be deeply spiritual talk a lot about the "thin line (or veil) between this life and the next." I don't know for sure what to make of it, but I am spending more time thinking about it.

Quoting Nouwen

Henri Nouwen, from his book Wounded Healer, wrote that a minister's service "will not be perceived as authentic unless it comes from a heart wounded by the suffering about which he speaks . . . The great illusion of leadership is to think that others can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there."

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Congratulations to two Mesquite schools for making it to the State Quarterfinal championship: Mesquite Horn in 5A and Mesquite Poteet in 4A. My son Josh led Poteet further into the playoffs than any team other than this years (I just had to work that in).

But help me figure this out: Horn is playing Longview in the TEXAS Quarterfinal game. And where will this game be played? Shreveport, Louisiana! Huh?

Thankful in All Things

"always give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Ephesians 5: 20)

I find myself again so grateful to Sara Young from her daily devotional Jesus Calling. Following is today's entry (Remember, she writes this as if it is Jesus speaking to the reader):

Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks for everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances). This is a spiritual act of obedience -- at times, blind obedience. To people who don't know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties may remain.

Thankfulness opens your heart to My Presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective. It is this Light of My Presence that removes the sting from adversity.

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Congratulations to Josh Hamilton for winning MVP! Gil LeBreton has an excellent article in today's Star Telegram about Josh's priorities. Quite a testimony.

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I pray that you may have a Thanksgiving filled with peace and the presence of God.

I'll Praise You in the Storm

9 months. Oh, God -- the pain is still SO intense.

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How have I missed this truth from Scripture for so long? The peace and joy of the Lord, and intimacy of relationship, come through the door of a thankful heart. And even in the valley of the shadow of death, a Christ-follower has reason to be thankful.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3: 17-19

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving season!

My Blog Status

Even though I have few comments on this blog, I have had so many people encourage me to continue blogging. As a result, I feel somewhat obligated to blog regularly.

However, for the last few weeks I just can't think of anything "blog-worthy." I'm kind of going through a blog desert right now.

So hang with me, those of you who have been encouragers. I'm not saying I am hanging up my blog. Rather, I will blog "as the spirit moves me." That may mean another blog tomorrow. Or it may mean it will be a couple of weeks.

I would ask that you keep my family in your prayers over this holiday season.

Blessings and peace.

Practicing His Presence

Beverly received a gift a couple of weeks ago. It is a daily devotional book entitled Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. She writes it from God's perspective in the 1st person, and yet it is really as if God is speaking Scripture to us. It is basically about practicing His presence and finding peace. So far every day has spoken right to me. I find myself looking forward to reading it each morning. In fact, I usually read it, look up the accompanying Scriptures -- and then read it again.

Practice His presence today! Peace.

Praising God's Faithfulness

My family is so thankful for the way in which God is working in us through this most difficult of times. Since Jenny died, David has been pursuing some way he can get more on Malaya's school schedule. His business required him to work 60+ hours a week -- impossible with his new responsibilities. So this summer he obtained a teaching certificate that would qualify him to teach math. He had decided he would sub for a while, and then apply for any job openings.

Well, today he begins a FULL-TIME teaching job! He has been hired to teach 8th grade math. And get this: he is teaching at Malaya's school!

How incredible is that!

Our faithful Father can take even the worst situation and bring good out of it.

Keeping THE Kingdom Perspective

I used to listen to Limbaugh and Hannity when I would be going here or there in my car. When I made the decision to stop listening to this kind of stuff, it is amazing how much more at peace I felt about things. They (and others) seemed to keep me in a constant state of nervousness and unsettledness.

So I really appreciate and relate to the following words from Jeff Christian, as quoted by Edward Fudge:

"I said a prayer this morning (Tuesday, Nov. 2) thanking God that the political ads come to an end today. Personally, I DVR everything now and no longer watch commercials. Especially during seasons like this, however, I avoid them at all costs. In my humble opinion, no greater damage is being done to our contemporary culture than the colossal mind-numbing brainwash we volunteer for at the hands of political ads and 24-hour 'news.' It's just mean.

"Two years ago for Lent I decided to give up watching the news. I still stay informed through online newspapers, but that's about it. I learned a while back that I really do not need someone coaching me on what I need to fear. I have also come to learn that elections come and go, not that much ever really changes, and that the world got a lot simpler to me, not to mention less scary, when I embraced faith in an eternity that is not bound by what people name with venomous anger as all these clear and present dangers." -- Jeff Christian, "Fearlessness Restored," The Empty Pulpit (02 Nov. 2010).

Fickleness

I like what Rick Atchley posted on Twitter this morning: "Thankful for a nation where we choose our rulers. Even more thankful for a kingdom where the Ruler choses us!"

AMEN!

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It must be awfully frustrating to be a politician today. If you want to serve the people, which way do you go? Only two years ago, the people seemed to be for health care and government help in getting us out of the "great recession." Now there has been a flip-flop. So, if you listened to your constituency and voted for those things two years ago, you probably got voted out yesterday (unless your name is Harry Reid).

I'm not trying to make a political statement one way or the other. It has simply served to remind me of the fickle nature of people in general.

Jesus put it this way (Luke 7: 31-32): "To what, then, can I compare the people of this generation? What are they like? They are like children sitting in the marketplace and calling out to each other: 'We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not cry.'"

Asking for Prayer Coverage

Today is my son-in-law David's birthday. I know this is going to be a difficult day for him, so I am asking you to remember him in your prayers.

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Is the Giant's pitching THAT good? Or have the Ranger bats gone into cold storage?

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Practice the conspiracy of kindness this week.

The Comfort of Scripture

Do you remember the Superman movie when Superman (Christopher Reeve) put aside his super-humanness so he could fall in love with Lois Lane? It was a bad time to be human, since several world events needed his attention.

I wonder what caused Cliff Lee to take off his cape last night?

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Verses that I am choosing to camp on right now:

Isaiah 41: 10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

2 Corinthians 10: 3-5: "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have DIVINE POWER to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive ever thought to make it obedient to Christ."

It is Officially a Bust

Just when a defeat of the Cowboys might have sent General Manager Jones a clear message that he is in WAY over his head, he is handed a lame excuse for the failure of the "best 1-4 team in the league" (his words). Tony Romo went down last night with a broken collarbone, so now the Cowboys' season is in peril. Yes, the quarterback that had led this preseason favorite for the Super Bowl (Jerry's prediction, as well as others) to a 1-4 record is now out for 6-8 weeks. Their future looked bright if he hadn't gotten hurt -- but now? Now things are going to be really tough.

Right.

How long will Cowboy fans keep buying this snake oil? The only way to change the future of the Cowboys is for true Cowboy fans to let Jerry know they are onto him by withholding their padding of his wallet. That is the only language he understands. I still say if not for what he was handed when he bought the team back in 1989 (the Hershel Walker trade), this man would have delivered 21 years of drought. Instead, it has only been 15 years.

Heal quickly, Tony. I hope that bone heals stronger than ever, because you have a lot to carry on your back.

Rangers in the World Series!

I really never expected to be writing a blog on this subject: The Texas Rangers are going to the World Series! They pretty much annihilated the 2nd-best AL team that money couldn't secure a championship for. That is a huge victory in and of itself -- beating the Yankees. From here on is icing on the cake.

Just think: The Rangers are only two victories away from being World Champions. I say that assuming that Cliff Lee will deliver two victories -- so it's really a 2 out of 5 series after that (I'm saying that with a smile, OK).

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I challenged our congregation yesterday to "A Conspiracy of Kindness." I am hoping that our Lifegroups spent time last night brainstorming ways in which we can practice kindness throughout Wise County. I know our Lifegroup came up with some good ideas as the holidays approach.

Followers of Kindness

As I preach through the fruit of the Spirit, this week I come to "kindness." I have been reminded how important this trait is for those who claim to be Christlike. I also wonder if the world would identify Christians as bearing this trait.

I came across a book entitled Conspiracy of Kindness. I think I am going to encourage our church to live by this theme -- and intentionally practice the kindness of Jesus.

I realize I am giving away some of my sermon for this Sunday, but I found this very interesting: The Greek word for "kindness" is "chresto." The Greek word for "Christ" is "christo." Because the words sound somewhat the same, early Christian writers tell us that some people referred to Christians not as "followers of Christ" (Christo), but "followers of kindness" (chresto).

I still obviously want to be identified as a follower of Christ. But I think it would be really cool if I (we) could be known as followers of kindness as well.

This Guy Can Pitch

I am trying to keep my expectations tempered right now about the Rangers making the World Series. Surely Cliff Lee could tough it up and pitch today and tomorrow.

That was some of the most awesome pitching I have ever seen. The only more dominant pitching I can remember was back in 1986 when Mike Scott was in his stride for the Astros -- throwing the nastiest split-finger fastballs ever. Of course he was probably doctoring the ball, too. The only doctoring Lee is doing is throwing laser-precision pitches within centimeters of where he wants them.

I keep saying "If only" right now -- thinking back to game 1. One game at a time, boys.

And I'm also hoping that Lee really likes Texas. I like him and want him to remain a Ranger. It would be sad to see him join the traitors ARod and Teixeira in Yankee pinstripes next year.

A Great Week

Beverly and I have returned from a wonderful trip to the Port Aransas area. This included two nights in San Antonio as well. We managed to eat three meals in San Antonio: One at Mi Tierra and two at La Margarita. We sat outside on a beautiful Friday night and found ourselves wishing we could stay for hours.

Our time on the coast was just what the doctor ordered. Beverly finds the surf to be extremely therapeutic, and she got to spend three days sitting on the beach. I find the golf course to be equally therapeautic. So, she would drop me and my college roommate off at the golf course, and she and his wife would drive over the dunes to the beach 2 minutes away. It was perfect.

We ate as some good restaurants that overlooked the yacht basin. Wonderful times!

We are SO indebted to the couple who allowed us to use their house in Aransas Pass. Each morning we would get up and go sit on the patio with a cup of coffee, our bibles and devotional books. About lunch time, we would head in to eat and prepare for the afternoon. I think I could get used to such a schedule:)

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Go Rangers! Beat the Evil Empire!

Unbelievably, Dale Hanson still leads each sportscast with 5 minutes of the Cowboys -- followed by passing mention of the Rangers. Jerry grins all the way to the bank.

We didn't have cable or satellite on the coast, so we followed game 5 of the Rangers-Rays series on my blackberry. We thought we would catch the highlights on the Corpus news that night. So we tuned in. The 1st story was about 3 minutes on the local high school girls' cross-country team. This was followed by a play-by-play of the girls' volleyball game. At the end of the broadcast, the sportscaster said, "And congratulations to the Rangers."

One of My Greatest Treasures

I will be out of the office for a few days. Probably won't blog until I get back.

1st of all, congratulations to the Rangers for a well-played win yesterday. Here's hoping that they can go up 2-0 as they head back to Arlington.

Saturday is my birthday. Below is a treasure I want to share with you. It is words my daughter blessed me with on her blog for my birthday in 2005. Saturday is going to seem incomplete without hearing her voice.

My Hero!

Yesterday was my dad's birthday! My dad is my hero!! I celebrate him!
I can remember my dad rocking me to sleep everynight until I was about 12 (just kidding, really about 6). After my mom washed my hair I used to sit with my dad and he would blow dry and brush my hair. He did it way more gentle than Mom. And now Malaya's favorite person to blowdry and brush her hair is Grampy!! I remember watching in awe as a little girl as we watched "Jesus of Nazareth" and looking back at my dad as tears fell down his face when Christ was crucified. I remember going to and watching numerous Astros games. I remember Dad recording us as kids talking, singing, singing the books of the Bible on audio cassettes. I remember when Dad bought me a wrist corsage to wear to my piano recital. I still to this day have that corsage. I remember Dad's spankings always followed with an "I love you". I remember working in the garden with Dad pulling vegetables and helping him "dig". I remember helping Dad clean the church building. I remember as Dad would lead Bible studies at church and as people would accept Jesus as their Lord b/c of Dad's example and teaching.
I remember when Dad decided to answer the Lord's calling to become a minister/teacher/mentor and we moved to Crockett. I remember being so proud of him as he would get up to preach each Sunday. I remember our Thursday night Bible Studies and again as more people came to know Jesus through his teaching. I remember him picking me up from school in a pick up truck with a huge rust hole in the middle of it. And I could here Dad coming as I was sitting in my last class:) I remember Dad's teasing about my first "boyfriend", Chad Reminakjsdhfakjsdhlf (I never could spell his last name:) I remember going to visit elderly people from church with Dad and love getting to watch as he handed Jesus' compassion and love and respect to them. I remember when I walked down the aisle to be baptized and my dad reached his hand out to me. I remember looking into his eyes as he was about to baptize me and feeling his love and fatherly pride. I remember when a boy hugged me a little too long in front of my dad and I thought my dad was going to have a heart attack and his eyes pop out of his head:)
I remember getting my first real boyfriends. One became known as "The Dude". It didn't take boyfriends long to respect my dad and to become familiar with "Dad's chair". I remember picking out my first car with Dad. I remember when Dad spoke at my 5A high school's Baccalaureate and I remember being so proud of him.
I remember when Dad took me to college day. I was so nervous but felt so "taken care of" by my dad. I remember when Dad and Mom took me to ACU to stay. I loved hearing Dad pray over me as they were leaving me.
I remember when David asked Dad if he could marry me. Dad said yes and asked one thing of David. He said, "Her mom and I have protected her heart from the minute she was born and now I ask that you do the same." I remember Dad walking me down the aisle and performing the most beautiful marriage ceremony I have ever seen. I felt so blessed to have him play that part in my day. I remember the night before Malaya was born and him calling the family around me and he led our family in prayer as we welcomed in the next generation. I remember the joy he radiated as he became "Grampy". And again, a few hours after Malaya was born he had everyone circle around in our hospital room as we rejoiced and lifted up a prayer of joy and gratitude for Malaya's safe arrival. I remember that Dad could put Malaya to sleep like no one else.
I remember as our familiy went through an extremely rough year. And as that year evolved Dad still remained strong, confident, and Godly. He never lowered himself or gave up his convictions to suit others. He held his integrity. He held his boldness. He held his devotion to a committed situation even though it stunk. He held our family together and encouraged us even though he was the one being attacked and treated in ungodly ways. I watched on Jan. 9th in utmost admiration and respect as he held his honor and composure in a situation that seemed hopeless, pitiful and sick. He was my mom's rock and our family's rock during that storm in our lives. And Christ still redeemed our family through grace.
I remember as people from Decatur started calling Dad. I was thrilled when Dad accepted the job there. I love watching the people there love on my parents, listen in respect to his teaching, accept him as a man of God, and encourage him.

Thanks Dad for being you! Thanks for your guidance, your discipline, your countless prayers over us three kids, your love for our mom, your devotion, your loyalty, your encouragement, your leadership, your forgiveness, your wisdom, your example of Jesus, you being a student of God's word, your committment to ministry, your example of friendship, your untradable "Grampy-ness", and your testimony of a life of faith. The people that you have blessed, encouraged, brought to know the Lord, and led into deeper relationship with the Lord are countless!!

I love you, Dad and we celebrate your life!!

I love you, too, my precious girl! I cannot WAIT to see you again!

Ryder Cup Recap

I enjoyed watching the Ryder Cup over the weekend. Incredibly it came down to the last match. The US team actually lost the match on Sunday afternoon when they won only 1/2 point in 6 matches. It was not because Hunter Mahan miss-hit a chip shot in the last singles' match yesterday.

I like a lot of the European players: Lee Westwood, Graeme McDowell, Luke Donald, Darren Clarke, etc. I even kind of like Colin Montgomery in a kind of sympathetic way. He may be the greatest golfer to have never won a major title.

But Sergio Garcia and Ian Poulter absolutely drive me crazy. And so I ask myself: Would I like them if they were on the American team? Honest answer? I don't know.

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The weather here in Decatur for the last week has been absolutely gorgeous! Low 50s in the mornings and 70s during the day. I would like to bottle a few of these and break them out occasionally in July and August.

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Saturday Beverly and I will travel to San Antonio to meet up with my college roommate and his wife. He preaches for the Northwest Church of Christ there. One of his members had kept up with our Carepages during Jenny's illness. This individual has a house in Rockport, Texas and wants to open it to us for a few days. So the four of us will be spending a few days on the coast next week. Beverly and I are desperately looking forward to it. God has blessed us with so many kind people!

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GO RANGERS!

Dez Bryant's Rookie Lesson

So during Cowboys' training, rookie Dez Bryant refused to carry Roy Williams' shoulder pads. I am not defending him, because it's just part of the rookie initiation. Easier to go along than to get defensive. But I do think it is interesting that Williams (who has been pretty much a bust, thus resulting in the Cowboys drafting Bryant #1) would be the one to initiate the raze.

Well, Williams had said at the time that Dez would pay. Monday night, Dez took the offense to Pappas Brothers' Steakhouse. Williams also invited the defense. Dez ended up paying the bill for about 30 football players. Final tab? Just under $55,000. (No, I did not add too many zeroes).

As I listened to GAC (Galloway and Company) on ESPN radio yesterday, they were discussing this. One of them had added up the cost if a person ordered EVERYTHING on the menu (all appetizers, entrees and desserts). It came to just over $1,000. Obviously those football players didn't order everything on the menu. I did read this morning in the paper that many of them left the restaurant with expensive wine bottles under their arms.

The moral of the story? If someone asks you to carry his shoulder pads to the locker room, carry them to the locker room two days (this is a bit of a twist on what Jesus said.) It sure is easier and cheaper than facing the consequences.

Weekend Wrapup

Beverly and I have had all of our grandkids with us at some point over the last two weeks. This morning, our Memphis family is leaving. So tonight we are empty nesters again. It has been SO fun being with our grandkids for so long. I'm going to miss them.

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Have I told you how much I love my shepherds? Every time I get to spend time with them, it is a joy. By the way, you won't hear many preachers saying that, either. Also, we have had 6 baptisms since Wednesday. Yesterday morning, one of our Friendspeak contacts was baptized. It was so beautiful. As we gathered after her baptism, we sang to her in Spanish. Tears were flowing.

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The Rangers clinched! I have enjoyed watching this team. They just seem to have fun playing ball. I don't have real high expectations for how far they will go in the playoffs, because they have not done well against the Twins or the Rays. But who knows?

And, oh yeah, Jerry's team won yesterday for the 1st time this year.

Ryder Cup week, bay-bee! I love watching. Golf is such an individual sport, but it is really cool watching them play as a team. I'll be pulling for USA, but I have a feeling Europe is going to win this year.

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It felt GREAT walking outside to get the paper this morning! 54 degrees. I love it!

ACU Summit

I was blessed by being in Abilene Sunday evening through Wednesday. So many people and places that have shaped me and my life. I must admit that my first trip back since Jenny's death was bitter-sweet. So many reminders of good times. Beverly and Josh did the Lord proud in their presentations at ACU Summit.

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I began a series on the Fruit of the Spirit a couple of weeks ago. For the last two days, I have sat here at my desk -- with my mind blank. Sunday I am supposed to speak on "joy." And I feel so inadequate to the task. Then next week is "peace." Oh, how my joy and peace have been shaken. Will I ever really know them again? My mind tells me yes, although they will never look the same. But my heart has its doubts.

Borrowing a Blog Today

A fellow preacher, Wade Hodges, wrote the following blog. I found it thought-provoking. Hope you will, too:

“We just want to be fed.”

Every pastor has heard it from someone. Sometimes you catch it when they’re coming and sometimes when they’re going.

It’s something that church-going Christians say to justify their decision to change churches. Many use it as a smokescreen to cover up the real reason they’re leaving. After all, who can argue with such a rationale? That’s why God created the church, right? So that long-time church goers (and their kids) can be fed.

The irony is that usually the people who use this language are the ones who are least qualified to do so. If you’ve been attending church long enough to know the trick of using “we want to be fed” as an excuse to leave, then you should be spiritually mature enough to start feeding yourself.

Have you ever really thought of what imagery accompanies the “fed” metaphor?

When I hear it, I see a baby sitting in a high chair wearing an apple sauce smeared bib waiting impatiently for his mommy to shovel in another load of gooey stuff. Watch him as he closes down on the spoon. See his mother use it to wipe away the excess from the corners of his mouth. Now swallow. Good boy.

I’m sure anyone who has ever used this line to describe what they’re looking for in a new church is objecting to this image. Which one would you prefer? Maybe a wise shepherd leading his clueless sheep into greener pastures because heaven knows without a shepherd to guide them the ignorant sheep would either starve to death or sniff their way right off of a cliff.

Does that one make you feel any better?

There is a time when we all need to be fed like a baby or a sheep. My boys need feeding. If I don’t teach them the Scriptures and show them the way of Jesus, they will not find it on their own. New Christians need feeding. They need to learn a new story with new language as they leave their old way of life behind. But at some point, children and new Christians should grow enough in their faith to be wise enough to figure out how to feed themselves.

Pastors, we should expect the people in our churches to grow to the point in their relationship with God that they no longer depend on people like us to feed them.

Parents, we should reach a point in our faith when we no longer depend on someone else to feed our kids.

We need a new metaphor and fast, because too many “mature” Christians are making a fool of themselves by walking around saying they just want to be fed. It’s time they take off the bib, grab a spoon, and start feeding themselves.

What if one day the chief complaint from church going Christians were to be something like this:

The problem with our old church is that we weren’t being exercised. We’re looking for a church where we can work, serve, and maybe even suffer. We want to pay a price for something other than adding a new education wing to our building. We want to put it all on the line and do something crazy for God. We’re tired of being fed. We’ve been fed so much, for so long, that we’ve gotten fat. We’re spiritually obese and we can’t take it anymore. We want to be exercised!

Now that’s a metaphor.

It’s also a problem.

Pastors, let’s go ahead and admit it. If our churches were suddenly inundated with such complaints, we’d be the ones who would need to start wearing a diaper.

Weird!

I haven't been out to the cemetery since Jenny's birthday in early August. Late yesterday afternoon, Beverly and I went for an early supper. When we got in the car after eating, I said, "Something is telling me we need to go out to the cemetery." Beverly said, "That is strange, because three times today I have thought the same thing."

So we drove out there.

As we were driving up, we noticed that Jenny's monument was in place! We had been told we would receive a call when it arrived, but we hadn't yet.

Weird, huh?

It was much more emotional than either one of us expected it to be. I guess I am still in such denial that my precious girl is gone.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." (Psalm 43: 9,11; 43: 5)

He is my ONLY hope.

Yesterday Was a BIG Day

Yesterday my son Josh turned 30. As I watch him and my son Jonathan with their boys, who are 3 and 4, I am taken back to when they were that age. I remember that feeling of having them think I could do anything. It was both incredible -- and fearful. I knew I could never measure up, but it was fun while it lasted:)

I am so proud of Josh. He is so gifted as a preacher. But he also has a huge heart for the disadvantaged. In fact, it is his passion. And I am learning so much from him about living out the heart of Jesus.

Happy 30th, Son.

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I LOVED watching the Rangers beat the Yankees Sunday. Actually, sweeping them over the weekend was really nice. But Sunday's game was just good, fundamental baseball. Great pitching from Lee. And our closer, Felix, is UNBELIEVABLE! But we scored runs with good base-running decisions and timely hitting. So different from Rangers' teams of the past who basically depended on the home run.

Cowboys? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Burning the Quran?

I am sometimes SO embarrassed by things people do and say in the name of "Christianity." Too often, it is me.

Reverend Terry Jones, of Gainseville, Florida, I assume feels like he is doing the "Christian" thing by burning Qurans on September 11th. To an outsider, it looks like a publicity stunt. But what kind of publicity? And at what cost?

People have done crazy things "for the cause of Christ" through the years. Crusades have been fought. Inquisitions have taken place. Witches have been killed. Civilizations have been conquered. The KKK has been formed. Segregation has been defended.

And on numerous occasions, books have been burned -- which always seems to bring more attention to the burnees than to the burners. Yet even in my wildest imagination, I cannot picture Jesus smiling over any of that.

There are MANY reasons that Jones' book-burning is a really bad idea. Our military has asked him to reconsider because it will endanger our troups in Afghanistan. Others have argued that it will inflame Islamic radicals. I am not terribly sympathetic over that one, because they seem to get inflamed and blame Americans and Christians if their cereal gets soggy. (BTW, I seem to be in a minority that does believe that Islam is a violent, intolerant, hate-motivated religion whose aim is world dominance).

But listen: The main reason that what Jones is doing is wrong is because it is not Christlike. It bears no resemblance to the Sermon on the Mount. It is not being salt and light and leaven to the world. And it puts those of us who want to be Jesus to the world in a defensive position.

So he and his 400 or so deluded followers will have their 30 minutes of fame. But how many people will turn away from their only hope because of the false impression left by these impostors of Christ?

I wonder if Jesus blushes with embarrassment at us?

It Was Worth a Try

I have written before on this blog about my love for Memphis barbecue. So yesterday for Labor Day, I had a brainstorm (watch out!). I went and bought a side of both beef and pork ribs. Beverly helped me find a recipe, and I set out to try to duplicate our Memphis experience.

After 4 hours of wonderful aroma and mouths watering, it came time to actually try my experiment. Beverly and David tasted them first, and acted like they were delicious. I tried them, and I was SO disappointed. Not at all what I had expected.

I really think they were cheerleading me because they want me to keep trying to perfect this new menu item. But I have decided I will just settle for an occasional trip to a good ribs' joint -- and stick with my famous hamburgers and popcorn.