Part of the Journey

I went to a funeral yesterday at which one of our elders, Mike McDowell, officiated. He shared a quote from C. S. Lewis's book, A Grief Observed. Lewis wrote this book after the untimely death of his beloved wife. In it he wrote, “Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.”

Words could not be truer.

Through the Eyes of a Child

Attending the Rangers' game last Thursday night with my son Jonathan and grandson Jed was a real treat. It was Jed's 1st major-league game, and this 4-year old was wide-eyed for the entire game. He especially kept an eye on Josh Hamilton and Michael Young. When Young hit a solo homer early in the game, Jed was SO excited. He took in every detail of the game, the ballpark and all the proceedings. Never a sign of boredom. I'm glad I got to be there.

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So Dez Bryant refused to carry Roy Williams' shoulder pads. Is this a big deal or not? After all, rookies have long had to endure razing from the veterans. But there is something amusing about a guy who has yet to win the respect of the Cowboys fans or coaches expecting a high-profile rookie to carry his shoulder pads. I mean, if it had even been Miles Austin telling Dez to carry HIS shoulder pads, I might feel differently. But Roy Williams? Seems to me HE ought to be carrying all the receivers' shoulder pads since they have been having to carry him for two years.

Rangers' Game: Is it Air-Conditioned?

Hard to believe it has been 5 months today since Jenny went to be with Jesus. In some ways, I feel I am progressing in the healing process. Yet, in other ways, it is still as raw as it was on February 22nd. It depends on what moment of the day it is -- and there is nothing to predict when those feelings hit. Grief is a monster.

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My son and grandson are dragging me out to a Rangers' game tonight. I like watching a Rangers' game on TV, but sitting out in the 100 degree heat doesn't appeal to me like it used to. Now if it was playing golf in it -- that would be different.

Actually, I am looking forward to my time with them. Sometimes I just like to play the role of the grumpy grampy.

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Jimmy Johnson on Survivor? The easiest way to get him eliminated would be for the rival team to steal his hairspray. He would probably immediately quit.

Radical Discipleship

A. W. Tozer wrote many years ago, and yet what he wrote seems so relevant to today as well. Sometimes he comes across a bit grumpy, but his words ought to alert our consciences. The following is from today's devotional reading:

The church is afflicted by dry rot. This is best explained when the psychology of nonexpectation takes over and spiritual rigidity sets in, which is an inability to visualize anything better, a lack of desire for improvement.

There are many who respond by arguing, "I know lots of evangelical churches that would like to grow, and they do their best to get the crowds in. They want to grow and have contests to make their Sunday school larger." That is true, but they are trying to get people to come and share their rut. They want people to help them celebrate the rote and finally join in the rot. Because the Holy Spirit is not given a chance to work in our services, nobody is repenting, nobody is seeking God, nobody is spending a day in quiet waiting on God with open Bible seeking to mend his or her ways. Nobody is doing it-- we just want more people. But more people for what? More people to come and repeat our dead services without feeling, without meaning, without wonder, without surprise? More people to join us in the bondage to the rote? For the most part, spiritual rigidity that cannot bend is too weak to know just how weak it is. Rut, Rot or Revival: The Condition of the Church, 8! ,9.

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I had begun reading Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, before Jenny got sick. I have picked it back up and have been reawakened to Jesus' call to discipleship. Chan is a radical disciple. Google his name and read about him on wikipedia.

Still Thinking Fruity

I shared last week about spending time in sabbatical reading about the fruit of the Spirit (getting fruity). The following really has no connection, but I guess fruit is just on my mind right now.

On Thursday I bought some nectarines. They were so good I nearly went back to the store to get some more. I love them when they are crunchy -- between green and ripe. Anyway, Saturday our friends (Randy and Linda Davis) brought us a sack full of nectarines from their tree. And they are delicious.

As I ate one on Saturday, I told Beverly, "This is my favorite fruit." Then I remembered how much I love fresh pineapple and a good navel orange. It got me to thinking. I did not realize that I am really a fruit lover! Imagine the fun God had creating such incredible flavors for us!

So, here are my favorite fruits:

1. Fresh pineapple -- It's worth going on a cruise or an all-inclusive resort just to get plateloads of fresh pineapple. Nothing beats it.

2. Nectarines -- not green, but not ripe.

3. Naval oranges. If they are pithy, forget it.

4. Fresh peaches. I don't like the feel of biting through the fuzz. But if I trim it off, a fresh peach may be (next to pineapple) the perfect flavor sensation.

5. Avocado. Think fresh, tableside guacamole.

5. Red seedless grapes

6. Banana -- again, not green and not overly ripe.

7. Watermelon

Not making my list of favorites:

1. Any melon other than watermelon. Cantaloupe sets my teeth on edge, as do honeydews, etc.

2. Persimmons

That leaves a lot of fruits that didn't make either list. Like plums, strawberries, grapefruit, etc. I like most of these, but not like I do my top 7.

So how about you?

Desperate Faith and Hope

Right now I am in a season in which faith and hope have lost some of their "umph." I keep asking God why He made faith so hard. I mean, a person who is honestly seeking Him -- couldn't He just give that person a little peek?

I know what Paul said in Romans 1 about "what may be known about God is plain . . . clearly seen." So am I just lumped in with the godless and wicked he mentions there because I am struggling to see what is supposed to be so plain and clear? The creation of the universe: Yes, that is plain and clear. The deafening silence of the last 5 months is not.

And while I have so often claimed from the pulpit that hope is "confident assurance," right now my hope is neither confident or assured. It is a desperate clawing to just find a fingerhold. So I completely understand the anguish of David in Psalm 13, when he wrote, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? . . . Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes . . ."

And so I once again come back to the words of Peter to Jesus, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Back Home

I am back in the office today after a wonderful week in Orlando. My greatest regret is that I only got to play golf 6 times. I do feel much more fruity, as I spent a lot of time in Galatians 5: 22-25. It is humbling to realize how much more of my life needs to be surrendered to the Holy Spirit.

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Tomorrow begins the British Open (or as the Brits would say, "THE Open"). I am going to enjoy watching it and no matter where they are on the course, saying, "Hey, I was there!" Again, if you watch it and they show #11 tee box, remember that Beverly and I shared communion with our friends there.

Another First

Beverly and I are having a great week in Orlando. She is soaking up information like a sponge, and I am getting fruity. I am reading about the fruit of the Spirit, and becoming convicted by how far I have to go in REALLY letting Him loose in my life. I will be preaching through this beginning in the Fall.

Today marks another first since Jenny died, and I am finding firsts to be really tough. Twelve years ago today, Jenny married David. I thank God for David, and am grateful for the day he became a part of our family.

Please keep David in your prayers today. He is a good man who loves the Lord, and I know this is a really challenging day for him. This morning he is also co-speaking at the church where Josh preaches, so I pray blessings on both of them.

Truth

How is this for a quote?: “Jesus promised those who would follow Him only three things. . .that they would be absurdly happy, entirely fearless, and always in trouble.”

The Faces of Jesus

I am continually trying to think up new ways of getting out of old ruts. My experiments may seem elementary to many of you, and many of the things I try are things I have SAID for years -- but not put into practice.

Right now, I am trying to remind myself as I enter into any setting that each person I see is made in the image of God. I pray that God will help me to see Jesus in each person. It is amazing the difference it makes. I am hopeful that this will become a new rut. I feel pretty safe with it.

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Josh and I got home last night from Eastland at about 10: 45 PM -- expecting the grandkids to all be in bed. As I opened the door, I was greeted by Jed (4) and Truitt (3). They both immediately began shouting, "Grampy, you're a double-goober with a cherry on your head." Where do these kids get such things? Oops, never mind.

Grandkids and Root Canal (Don't Get Them Confused)

Our house has become a beehive of activity. Beverly brought our Houston grandkids back to Decatur yesterday. Malaya is with us, as is David. And she brought her brand-new puppy. It's a Maltese-poodle -- and is cute as can be. But I have to watch each step I take, because she loves to cuddle against my feet as I walk. Add to that the fact that every toy known to man is out on our floor -- making our house a virtual minefield.

Oh, and our Memphis family is joining us tonight!

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This afternoon I am going to see my favorite, wonderful, always-so-gentle dentist (I have to lay it on thick because he reads my blog). I will be having a root canal. I've heard horror stories about them, but I'm ready to get it taken care of. And I think dentistry has improved methods of dealing with this -- right, Doc?

Happy Birthday, Jonathan!

Today my YOUNGEST child turns 27! Hard to believe. Happy birthday, Jonathan!

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How about the Rangers? Eleven straight wins. Last night's come-from-behind win was fun. It's a shame they have Tom Hicks' bankruptcy hanging over them right now.

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And an 11-hour tennis match? Of course, they got a night's sleep before the last hour. Ten hours of tennis would be pretty grueling. Makes me feel even sorrier for the loser of the match. He deserves SOMETHING!

Faith

Faith -- what does that mean? I think for me, without even realizing it, faith has meant a system of belief. And yet, that is the 4th meaning in Webster's Dictionary.

Everything in my life is being lived in a post-February 22nd way. And faith has now been stripped down to what I believe Biblical faith is really all about. Webster's 1st definition is "allegiance to . . . a person", and #2 is "belief and trust in God." Those are where my life is being lived now. Like a desperate drowning person holding onto a rope for dear life with no other options to turn to -- that's where I am today.

We have often used Hebrews 11: 1 as a definition of faith. It says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." I love the verse. But let's be honest: It sounds like a riddle. Does that REALLY tell us what faith is? Sure of what we hope for? Certain of what we do not see? It seems to me that the writer is telling us that faith boils down to a choice. A choice to TRUST. It can't be proved. It can't be diagrammed.

And while faith in God and the gospel is not blind faith -- it is still a choice to trust what we cannot prove. We have many choices. We can choose atheism. Sorry, that takes more blind faith than anything I know of. We can choose Buddhism, or Hinduism, or Islam, etc. As I consider them all, I keep coming back to this simple statement of faith: "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." And I CHOOSE to put my faith in that.

Father's Day

Yesterday was a really difficult day for me. Actually, it was brutal. My 1st Father's Day to ever spend without the one who originally bestowed that honor on me. And ironically, my text yesterday was the 5th Commandment: Honor your father and mother. This was a challenge for a couple of reasons. 1. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I find this commandment to be particularly difficult. But 2, it has a promise that if you do honor your parents you will live long in the land. Well, my daughter honored me and Beverly, and she didn't receive the promise. I know there is obviously more meant there than length of life. But when you are where we are right now, things look really different.

Also, today I am officiating at my 1st funeral since Jenny died. As I sat before my Bible late yesterday afternoon trying to come up with words for a grieving family, I was overwhelmed myself with grief. I'm glad no one else was in the office at the time.

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I was blessed to be able to play Champions Golf Club in Houston last week. That course has hosted a U.S. Open, Ryder Cup, and several Players' Championships. It was a real treat.

An Exciting Day!

Today is an exciting day for me. Beverly and I are heading to Houston where I will speak at Bammal Road Church of Christ tonight. Of course, we also get to spend some time with our Houston grandkids.

But the highlight will be after I speak tonight. Malaya, my oldest granddaughter, is in Houston already. And tonight she wants her Grampy to baptize her!

Interesting: Her Grammy was 10 when she was baptized. And I had the honor of baptizing her mom on August 21, 1988 (Beverly and my 12th anniversary). She was also 10. I am confident that Malaya will mature into the spiritual giant that her Grammy and mommy did.

I don't know for sure what Heaven is like. I do know that Scripture says there is rejoicing in Heaven at an event such as tonight's. So I picture my precious daughter, Jenny, rounding up a party in Heaven right now (she always was the organizer). I can't imagine anything that would make her more proud than this.

More on Sabbath

I am almost obsessed right now with the idea of sabbath. I would love to have people share what that looks like for them in their own spiritual journeys. Sad to say, it is almost an unknown discipline among American Christians. We have so bought into our culture's mantra of busyness being a virtue. It has turned into a game of one-upmanship. "I'm busier than you are" -- as if that makes me more valuable. But who would say to someone, "I am less disciplined than you are"? Because in reality, that is what "busyness" really reveals.

Beverly and I have spent some time over the weekend talking about how we can set aside a sabbath time for ourselves. Time of quiet -- to reconnect with God. Can we really set aside a whole day every week for that? I don't know. Right now, we are talking more like an afternoon.

Again, I would love to hear how that works for you, or even ideas you are considering.

Sabbath

What a blessing Beverly and I received last night at her fundraiser. To see the way her ministry is affirmed by our community is so encouraging. And the sensitivity shown to us was gratifying. God has SO affirmed us being where we are.

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I am preaching through the 10 Commandments right now. This week is the 4th Commandment, that pertains to the "Sabbath." When we approach Scripture as if it is a legal document rather than a call to know God, we end up as empty shells of what God intended for us. I think that is true when it comes to this commandment. In fact, the call to "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy" is the main reason many will say, "We are not under the 10 Commandments any more." It threatens our "meeting on Sunday" doctrine.

Well, we meet on Sunday because it is resurrection day! But to throw out the Sabbath command because we don't meet on Saturday is to miss God's "health care plan" for His people. God knows how we operate. And He knows we need a day of rest. Not more activity crammed into another day, but a day of rest. A day to reorient ourselves to Him.

I don't do very well at this. Even in my leisure, I fill it with activities (often mindless ones like watching TV). What would a day of rest look like? I don't have it figured out yet, but I am going to make this my quest. I would love to hear from you.

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Please pray for our group that left for Ecuador this morning. They will be gone for a week.

Thanks to Good Friends

Tomorrow night Beverly will hold her annual "information and fund-raiser" event. She usually holds it in April, but had decided to forego having one this year. That is, until a few of her dear friends decided that THEY would do it for her. So tomorrow night it will be a done deal.

I am blown away at the friends we have. I know of few things more gratifying. And it leaves me humbled.

The Lord has multiplied Beverly's ministry here in Decatur beyond what I would have ever dreamed. She now has another part-time therapist working with her. And this is all possible because of the generous support of friends and people in Wise County who see the need, and how Beverly is helping to mend lives.

So pray for tomorrow night. Through this ministry, life patterns are changing that will affect generations to come. May the Spirit fill the banquet room with the fragrance of Jesus.

Walking By Faith -- FIRST

Anselm of Canterbury (c. 1033 – 21 April 1109) was Archbishop of Canterbury from 1093 to 1109. He has been called the "Father of scholasticism," which was a movement in the Middle Ages that desired to reconcile Greek philosophy with Christian teachings. He is perhaps best-known as the originator of the "ontological argument" for the existence of God -- a system of logical proof for God's existence.

All that to say this: I have come to really appreciate a prayer he prayed, as over the last few months my nicely-bundled theology has been turned on its head. He once prayed, "I do not try to understand you so that I can trust you. I trust you so I can understand you."

It fits nicely with another quote that resurfaces regularly for me right now. It was advice given to me by a preacher friend. "Learn to be content in the mystery."

Comforting Words From an Old Hymn

William Cowper, a poet and hymn writer from the 18th century, suffered from severe mental illness. He tried to commit suicide. After spending a year in an insane asylum, he moved in with a Christian couple who cared for him. He continued to be plagued by mental illness, which might explain how he could write such great poetry.

The following verse from his most famous hymn, "God Moves in a Mysterious Way," illustrates his confidence, though fragile, in God's kind sovereignty. Although written in old English, it means a lot to me right now.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,

And scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter,

And He will make it plain.